Why I Hate the Month of A*gust

An Argumentative Essay/ Very Serious Political Movement/ Anti-Shrine by Me

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1) too darn hot

2) very smoggy

3) dry and dusty

4) can't wear cute cardigans (refer to item 1)

5) my dorm has no AC (refer to item 1)

6) sweating is a sensory nightmare (refer to item 1)

7) it displaced October as the eighth month and made October's name make no sense

8) Autumn is much more aesthetic and A*gust is getting in the way of it being Autumn

9) by the time A*gust rolls around, I'm pretty sick of summer as a season (refer to item 8)

10) the UV index is too high and my freckles are threatening to become skin cancer

11) I have to pay tuition in A*gust and that murders my bank account

12) Augustus Caeser was not stabbed 23 times like a real chad (July > A*gust)

13) no holidays in A*gust

14) some children out there somewhere are probably getting overheated because of the actions of A*gust (won't somebody please think of the children???)

15) just when it gets to be a normal decent temperature it goes and gets gosh diggity darn hot again (excuse my language)

16) when i was four and just learning to spell I thought A*gust was spelled "Ogust" and I have always secretly resented it for making me wrong about something

17) i can't get away with not shaving my legs like I usually do because it gets too hot for full-length pants (i mean what??? haha of course i always shave my legs hahahaha....)

18) when I try to eat ice cream it starts melting in the container literally as soon as i take it out of the freezer and drips all over me (the other day i was wearing a splotch of spilled ice cream without noticing it for like three hours ;-;)